Who is Little Man?
If Little Man had a contract, the following clauses would be included:
- I expect premium quality breast milk at any time of the day or night; to be provided in a timely fashion. Neglecting to do this will result in crying.
- At any point after 4a.m. I will cry loudly. This is the signal that I wish to be brought into bed with you. Despite my small stature, I expect at least half of the bed at my disposal, so that I may sleep sideways should I so choose.
- Should you wish me to go back to sleep in my crib, you must provide Bunny for me to cuddle. No Bunny; no sleepy.
- I reserve the right to drop my soother out of my crib and then cry that it is out of my reach. If you do not turn on the light to find my soother (in the hopes that I will go back to bed quickly), I will laugh as you wander around my crib on your hands and knees in a futile attempt to find said soother.
- If you are tired and hoping to sleep in a little, I will be wide awake and ready to go. You are to get up with me at once; there are toys that I must attend to.
- I am permitted to poop when you least expect it. My preferred times include when I have just drifted off to sleep, when you are in line at a store and when you are running late.
- I am not responsible for my behaviour during diaper changes. I reserve the right to kick my legs, cry, throw things, roll onto my tummy, attempt to step off of the change table, stand up and turn the light off or any combination of the above. When it is all over, I will giggle and give you a goofy grin. You are to laugh and forget all about your frustrations.
Look out, Little Man is on his way.